Your Online Dating Success System

Many of the things that hold men back when it comes to dating in the real world, can hold them back in Online dating too, if they do not remember to leave those things behind when in cyberspace.

The biggest mistake men make in letting the right woman get away is not taking advantage of all opportunities when they are right in front of them - this is as true Online as in reality. The men who are the most successful at Online dating make use of every tool that the site they are using offers them.

You probably signed up for a given site because you liked their particular features - use them. Yes it is true that your profile can work to bring women to you, but if you really want to increase the odds you have to stack the deck a bit.

E-mails
E-mails are one of the primary methods of contact when using Online dating services.

Again do not carry that awkwardness or the reservations you may have about approaching women in the real world Online - you have the opportunity here to correspond with so many potential partners that you really have nothing to lose.

Do not fret over that great "opening line". Ask a simple question that will have to elicit a response, don't try so hard to be "original". Relationship expert David Deangelo, author of Meeting Women Online, says attempts at originality in e-mails are just the opposite - what you think is an original line has been used by dozens of previous senders.

Believe it or not a simple "where are you from" - if that is not in their profile can be a great conversation starter for an Online date.

Do not be overtly flirty or sexual in e-mails (again not unless you are on an adult site, but even here there can be rules governing obscenity and offensiveness).

Be brief - do not ramble and "go on" about yourself. Remember especially if you are really interested in somebody, with some of the barriers down that exist in real meeting situations, there can be a tendency to come on too strong Online.

Relax and take your time to build mutual interest. Don't be overly gushing or complimentary, after all you hardly know this person - yet.

David DeAngelo says one of the keys to Online communicating and to doubling or tripling the number of women you meet on line is to be "Cocky and Funny." It is part of the classic "take away strategy" of sales pros.

Using it you can approach any woman Online in such a way that you playfully, but humorously poke fun at them and make them feel that they should be honored to be communicating with you, not the other way around.

Then once you have their interest you back away in just the right way - that leaves them dying to hear from you again.

David understands that women are "wired" different than men and says this style of communication actual triggers attraction in women on a subconscious and primal level.

We will discuss more on "Cocky and Funny" and other sure-fire Online communications techniques in our next chapter.

Make it Part of Your Routine
Another big mistake a lot of men make, is signing up for an Online dating site and then not taking the time to use it. That is like paying for a Gym membership and then never going.

Men today have very busy lives - that is part of what makes it difficult to meet women in the first place, but success with Online dating takes a certain amount of discipline to use the tools at your disposal.

The best way to do that is to build your Online dating time into your daily routine. That means a specific half-hour a day set aside in the morning before work, after work, or during your lunch hour (be careful not to be cruising dating sites while at work).

Log on and look at profiles, write or respond to e-mails, or update your own profile. Like in any game the best way to increase your odds of winning is to play more often.

All of the sites we mentioned always have updates and tips and relevant articles about Online dating, you never know when spending some time reading those will result in gaining that little piece of info that helps you get that next date.

What The Pros Have to Say
Liz H. Kelly dating coach, and Author of The Fast Track Dating Guide for finding Mr. or Ms Right offers several tips for Online "flirting" with e-mails.

First and foremost she says to have fun, and be humorous, it may sound like an old clich started by desperate male stand up comics but studies show that women really do love a man with a sense of humor.

Liz also suggests that you look carefully at a woman's photo and ask a specific question about a detail in the picture - "Like what were the winters like going to school in Boston" if she happens to be wearing a "B.U." sweatshirt - it shows you care about details and notice things, a quality woman like.

Same thing goes for asking a specific question about something in their profile - like how "long have you been playing guitar" or if she says she likes "red wine and fireplaces" ask what her favorite Cabernet is.

Here's another helpful tip the pros recommend - change with the seasons. Update your profile with seasonal references like special holiday memories or specific winter/summer activities you enjoy - this may not only help you click with that special someone, it also shows women on the site that you are active and not sticking with a stagnant profile.

Laurie Puhn, communications specialist and author of Instant Persuasion says, "By inserting a seasonal reference in there, you give people a reason to get in touch..." She ads however "Don't forget to change your holiday specific headline or holiday references back as soon as the festivities are over" or you will end up looking like a slacker.

What does this mean? Have clear goals and be honest about yourself! It is truly simple, yet essential.

Your initial contact should be brief, to the point, and courteous. If you are interested in someone send a brief email or message stating who you are and include a short explanation of why you are interested in communicating.

Don't spend a lot of time bragging about yourself or trying to impress someone you don't know. Just be straightforward and honest and wait to see if they are interested in communicating with you.

If someone sends you an initial email or message, be sure to send a reply back whether you are interested or not. It is common courtesy to do so. If you are not interested in further communication, write back and thank them for their message.

Politely let them know that you don't think it's a good match. If you are interested in communication, thank them and begin an initial conversation.

Keep initial messages brief and don't give out personal information too soon. Ask questions and be willing to be open and honest about yourself and what you are looking for in dating partners and a potential relationship.

Take your time in getting to know someone before you agree to meet for an in-person date. Be sure to ask questions to help you determine whether the two of you are compatible and if you feel comfortable with the person. Ask about interests, hobbies, goals, and anything else of importance to you.

If you find there is inconsistency or breakdown in communication, this may be a sign of incompatibility.

Online dating does take good communication skills to be successful. Don't worry about writing the perfect emails or messages. Just be willing to be open, honest and direct. Don't be afraid to ask questions and show a genuine interest in the person you are trying to get to know. Online email is a great way to get to know someone before going on a date. Take your time and enjoy yourself.