We don't advocate your trying these kinds of things on a first date. The first time, you'll be too nervous and awkward around each other to get much mileage out of these. What these are, are ideas for the third date and up - when you're through assessing whether they're someone you'd want to spend more time with and now it's just a question of seeing if you're right for each other.
#1. Go for a little trip together. This can be as simple as driving across the city, or perhaps taking a chartered boat across the harbor. Traveling, just the two of you, you get to see how your date handles functional activities instead of recreational ones. Driving, especially, is an easy one to read. If your date drives, do they impatiently race, or are they happy to go with the flow of traffic? When they park, do they pick the first open space or do they circle the lot three times looking for the closest possible space? If you drive, is your date comfortable with you in control? If it's a trip, is your date anxious and fidgety, not knowing what to do with themselves?
#2. Take a walk in the park. This is kind of a way to get the two of you away from distractions. Without food, drinks, music, or activities, you'll have nothing to do but just chat with each other. If you both feel awkward, this might be a sign that you're not cut out for each other. If you settle down beneath a tree and spend hours just enjoying each other's company, that's an excellent sign!
#3. Run some errands with your date. The third date or so is probably the time you can be excused to have a few events in everyday life intrude on your leisure life, anyway. So before you get the date-proper underway, just explain that you have to do one quick thing forst and offer to take them along. Nothing complicated! Pick up the dry cleaning, grab a couple of things at the market, or maybe you promised to feed the neighbor's pet while they're out... don't make it something that takes longer than 20 minutes. Is your date sporting enough that they'll want to come along? Do they act put off that they aren't the priority for even this minute? Do they 'team up' and help you?
#4. Play a game. Any social sport will do - a billiards round, a game of darts, miniature golf, ping pong, skee-ball, bocce, or bowling. You can even offer to compete for a round on your Wii! The point of this is to see how your date performs under competitive circumstances. Are they so driven that they must win at all costs? Are they sore losers? Insufferable winners? Remember that the way they play a competitive game is the exact same way they'll act in an argument. If your date is rooting for you to win and offers pointers on how to improve the game, even if you beat them, that's a great sign!
#5. Spend a full day together. This is a much more involving version of the two-hour date. Perhaps you can go to a resort, spend a day at the beach, or even go shopping together. Anything that will involve at least two meals during the length of time. This shows how your date hangs in there for the long haul. Watch for how they interact with other people: are they polite and courteous with waitresses and sales clerks? Do they get cranky if they get hungry? Do they get tired easily? Do you work well together as a team?
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Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Craigslist May Not Be the Best Choice for Finding a Date
If you want to use the Craigslist site for looking for love, don't let us stop you. Just be aware that the site, through no fault of its own, tends to draw the lowest common denominator. This hilarious article goes into the many flakes, posers, and just plain brainless minions who post on Craigslist just because they can.
The best is the third point, "Mediocrity in the first degree.". We'd like to see more people loosen up when they write a profile. Make fun of yourself. Make fun of dating. Make fun of the person reading. After browsing 1000 profiles before getting to yours, think how much attention you'll get if you are the one who throws every idea about online dating out the window and posts something daring and original.
View the Original article
The best is the third point, "Mediocrity in the first degree.". We'd like to see more people loosen up when they write a profile. Make fun of yourself. Make fun of dating. Make fun of the person reading. After browsing 1000 profiles before getting to yours, think how much attention you'll get if you are the one who throws every idea about online dating out the window and posts something daring and original.
View the Original article
Monday, November 7, 2011
A Dating Coach - Really?
A cottage industry is springing up around the web that does make one think hard about whether the solution lies this way. There are dating coaches; like other kinds of life coach, they offer training in how to date. They train you in the finer points of flirting, fashion, communication, self-esteem, evolutionary biology, psychology, dancing, and so on. We'd rather link to the Wiki on this one than any particular date coaching service, for fear of appearing like an endorsement.
But the concept of a dating coach is not that new at all. It goes all the way back to 1897, at least, with the play by Edmond Rostand. Cyrano helps his friend Christian win the heart of Roxane, using his own wit and charming words to be spoken through Christian's handsome face. While in this case, Cyrano is secretly in love with the lady himself and so is not doing it for money, the principle is the same.
It makes sense that life coaches would specialize in this department and there would be a market for them. Who among us hasn't asked another's advice in matters of love? We ordinarily turn to our friends and acquaintances for anything from "Should I wear these shoes?" to "Does he really like me?" A dating coach makes sense in that regard - why not ask an expert?
Yet we can also see where the stigma comes from. There is controversy over this practice, where it's associated with the "speed-seduction" subculture. This isn't necessarily anything like that, though. Done right, it can be a solution for people who are desperately lacking in social skills in an increasingly digital society where nobody has the time to really study people anymore.
View the Original article
But the concept of a dating coach is not that new at all. It goes all the way back to 1897, at least, with the play by Edmond Rostand. Cyrano helps his friend Christian win the heart of Roxane, using his own wit and charming words to be spoken through Christian's handsome face. While in this case, Cyrano is secretly in love with the lady himself and so is not doing it for money, the principle is the same.
It makes sense that life coaches would specialize in this department and there would be a market for them. Who among us hasn't asked another's advice in matters of love? We ordinarily turn to our friends and acquaintances for anything from "Should I wear these shoes?" to "Does he really like me?" A dating coach makes sense in that regard - why not ask an expert?
Yet we can also see where the stigma comes from. There is controversy over this practice, where it's associated with the "speed-seduction" subculture. This isn't necessarily anything like that, though. Done right, it can be a solution for people who are desperately lacking in social skills in an increasingly digital society where nobody has the time to really study people anymore.
View the Original article
Smart People No Better With Relationships Than the Rest of Us!
This post on dating myths that even intelligent women believe just reminded us that relationships tend to stump the bright and dull alike. What is that? Being smart helps us land good jobs, do well in school, and accomplish all kinds of feats in other fields. When it comes to dating, we're all wearing a dunce cap.
For one thing, there's more than one kind of smart. There's emotional smart, street-smart, artistic smart, and so on. When we talk about intelligence, we usually mean the kind you can measure with an IQ test. That's the logic aspects - math, language, spatial reasoning. Computers, after all, are good at that kind of smart as well. But interpersonal human interaction takes place in a completely different realm.
In fact, we even know about a certain kind of person who is specifically IQ-smart, but people-dumb. That's called "Asperger's Syndrome." Of course, we hate to even bring it up because there's something about that condition that makes everyone self-diagnose as soon as they read about it. (It's rare. Like Lou Gehrig's Disease rare. You don't have it.) It just makes a point that there is a difference between cognitive brains and relationship brains.
For a lighter treatment, we'll toss in 5 Reasons You’re Not Dating Smarter Women. Just in case you were wondering.
View the Original article
For one thing, there's more than one kind of smart. There's emotional smart, street-smart, artistic smart, and so on. When we talk about intelligence, we usually mean the kind you can measure with an IQ test. That's the logic aspects - math, language, spatial reasoning. Computers, after all, are good at that kind of smart as well. But interpersonal human interaction takes place in a completely different realm.
In fact, we even know about a certain kind of person who is specifically IQ-smart, but people-dumb. That's called "Asperger's Syndrome." Of course, we hate to even bring it up because there's something about that condition that makes everyone self-diagnose as soon as they read about it. (It's rare. Like Lou Gehrig's Disease rare. You don't have it.) It just makes a point that there is a difference between cognitive brains and relationship brains.
For a lighter treatment, we'll toss in 5 Reasons You’re Not Dating Smarter Women. Just in case you were wondering.
View the Original article
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Long Distance Relationship Tips
We always try to keep an eye out for advice for those maintaining a long-distance relationship. So this article, from the woman's point of view, on the Do's and Don'ts of Long Distance Relationships, is right up our alley - particularly so for the world of online dating.
We'll let the time-worn question of whether long-distance relationships are a good thing or not fall by the wayside this time, and instead ask: "Why do so many people settle for long-distance relationships?"
People get into these, and then ask, "Is it worth it?" Well, for heaven's sake, you found somebody you want to be with, why not? The question you should be asking is "Is whatever keeps us apart worth it?" College? Some 2/3rds of graduates end up in a job they didn't even foresee that doesn't even match their degree. A job? There's work everywhere - maybe one of you can just quit work and stay at home for the other. Family? In the long-run, long-distance relatives beat a long-distance lover. Money? Please; pull a double shift and save up.
From where we can see, the only problem with long-distance relationships is that they need to solve the distance problem first. There's too much texting and too little cuddling in a warm bed going on out there.
View the Original article
We'll let the time-worn question of whether long-distance relationships are a good thing or not fall by the wayside this time, and instead ask: "Why do so many people settle for long-distance relationships?"
People get into these, and then ask, "Is it worth it?" Well, for heaven's sake, you found somebody you want to be with, why not? The question you should be asking is "Is whatever keeps us apart worth it?" College? Some 2/3rds of graduates end up in a job they didn't even foresee that doesn't even match their degree. A job? There's work everywhere - maybe one of you can just quit work and stay at home for the other. Family? In the long-run, long-distance relatives beat a long-distance lover. Money? Please; pull a double shift and save up.
From where we can see, the only problem with long-distance relationships is that they need to solve the distance problem first. There's too much texting and too little cuddling in a warm bed going on out there.
View the Original article
The Friend Zone - Stay far Away?
You could call it slumming, but we'll link to AskMen today for an example of your typical Avoid the Friend Zone article. Yes, men, in your online and offline dating relationships, the two most dreaded words you'll hear are "friend" and "zone."
Why does this happen? Why why why? Because men seem to feel like it shouldn't be a problem - there's that cursed Michael Bolton song about how can we be lovers if we can't be friends. Thanks Michael. Missing the point as usual. Here, guys, let's try to explain it this way: Here's some celebrities, and we'll rate them as friend vs. lover.
Alan Alda - Friend. He does not exhibit one drop of testosterone.
George Cloony Lover. With that hot tattoo he had in From Dusk til Dawn.
Rob Reiner - Friend. A sweet, lovable, cuddly uncle of a man.
The late Stanley Kubrick - Lover, but only if you're very submissive, because you know he would want it his way only!
Adam Savage (of Mythbusters) - Friend. Your funny, smart, geeky friend. You don't want him in bed, you want him to help with your calculus homework.
Jamie Hyneman (also of Mythbusters) - Lover. Now we're talking, and since male geeks are the biggest set who complain about the friend zone, we'll draw the line of distinction here. Now Jamie has the same brains, skills, and know-how of Adam - but look at that mustache and that hat and that scowl. You know this man can also down a beer, fight off a wolf, and love you like a caveman all at once.
Sean Connery (the one true James Bond) - Lover. Like a god.
Every other James Bond since (George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig) - Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. Lazenby, Moore, and Craig might be good for one-nighters at best. But Lazenby would never amount to anything, Moore would be unbearably smug about it, and Craig you'd just try because he's intriguingly weird.
View the Original article
Why does this happen? Why why why? Because men seem to feel like it shouldn't be a problem - there's that cursed Michael Bolton song about how can we be lovers if we can't be friends. Thanks Michael. Missing the point as usual. Here, guys, let's try to explain it this way: Here's some celebrities, and we'll rate them as friend vs. lover.
Alan Alda - Friend. He does not exhibit one drop of testosterone.
George Cloony Lover. With that hot tattoo he had in From Dusk til Dawn.
Rob Reiner - Friend. A sweet, lovable, cuddly uncle of a man.
The late Stanley Kubrick - Lover, but only if you're very submissive, because you know he would want it his way only!
Adam Savage (of Mythbusters) - Friend. Your funny, smart, geeky friend. You don't want him in bed, you want him to help with your calculus homework.
Jamie Hyneman (also of Mythbusters) - Lover. Now we're talking, and since male geeks are the biggest set who complain about the friend zone, we'll draw the line of distinction here. Now Jamie has the same brains, skills, and know-how of Adam - but look at that mustache and that hat and that scowl. You know this man can also down a beer, fight off a wolf, and love you like a caveman all at once.
Sean Connery (the one true James Bond) - Lover. Like a god.
Every other James Bond since (George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, Daniel Craig) - Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. Friend. Lazenby, Moore, and Craig might be good for one-nighters at best. But Lazenby would never amount to anything, Moore would be unbearably smug about it, and Craig you'd just try because he's intriguingly weird.
View the Original article
Another Advice Expert For Women
We like what we hear so far about Dr. Diana Kirschner's new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. Especially since the article lists four disastrous dating patterns that women fall into.
Let's play a fun challenge and see if we can come up with four corresponding disastrous dating habits in men:
The Recluse - It corresponds to the female hermit, but the male doesn't think he'll be better off alone. No, he desperately wants a mate, but is too painfully shy to go talk to anybody. Basically the only chance he gets for a girlfriend is if a female cat burglar breaks into his apartment.
The Player - The opposite, this is a man with too much confidence, a copy of "The Art of the Pick-Up" in his pocket, and an ego which needs to constantly be fed with fresh women.
The White Knight - Mr. Nice Guy who always ends up in the friendzone. Need we say more?
The Unicorn - A roaring bore who can't shut up about how special and unique he is. So much so that he has to examine each woman with a magnifying glass and find her at fault. It's probably for the best anyway.
Did we get those right or not? Have all the ladies met at least one of each?
View the Original article
Let's play a fun challenge and see if we can come up with four corresponding disastrous dating habits in men:
The Recluse - It corresponds to the female hermit, but the male doesn't think he'll be better off alone. No, he desperately wants a mate, but is too painfully shy to go talk to anybody. Basically the only chance he gets for a girlfriend is if a female cat burglar breaks into his apartment.
The Player - The opposite, this is a man with too much confidence, a copy of "The Art of the Pick-Up" in his pocket, and an ego which needs to constantly be fed with fresh women.
The White Knight - Mr. Nice Guy who always ends up in the friendzone. Need we say more?
The Unicorn - A roaring bore who can't shut up about how special and unique he is. So much so that he has to examine each woman with a magnifying glass and find her at fault. It's probably for the best anyway.
Did we get those right or not? Have all the ladies met at least one of each?
View the Original article
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