We've probably seen the rules of safe online dating before, but it's always good to take a refresher course. This guide on sound online dating judgment is a very thorough one. It seems to be written a little more from the female point of view, but men should remember that there's a few risks for them too, from time to time. OK, Tarzans? Remember that not every Jane you find has your best interests at heart.
"Sound judgment" is a phrase you almost don't hear these days. Everybody's afraid to judge. "Oh, I don't want to exclude anybody or hurt their feelings." Yes, but there are places in the world with predators stalking who barely can be said to have feelings at all! Judgment is really made up of instinct and experience.
Your instinct comes form your animal side. Years of evolution has shaped our responses to our environment in uncountable little ways, most of them unnoticeable. The shot of adrenalin that follows a "flight or fight" response, the urge to utter a noise when something startles you, and the prickly feeling on your arms and neck when something spooks you are all bits of animal instinct that follows back to our earliest ancestors. Listen to your instincts, and they'll usually read you the right way.
Visit this month's sponsor of SlinkyDating.com at Cheap Phone Sex & Adult Dating Services.Posted byJodie BrittainatMonday, January 24, 2011
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Saturday, November 5, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
What Social Web Use Says About Your Date
The 21st century has given us some new metrics to measure prospective partners in online dating. For instance, social websites and services. Once you realize that each of these services has its own unique culture, it becomes immediately apparent that different niches would attract different people over time. To wit:
Yahoo! Groups - Very old school. Expect someone either senior-citizen age, or tragically out of touch with the modern web.
Digg or Reddit - The hive of drones. This is a mixed bag, as these are the two most-frequented social sites, but expect someone age 18-25, very well-informed about the web, very insulated against the rest of the world.
Facebook - Again, everybody and their dog (literally) is on Facebook now, so expect people of all ages and persuasions. But also count on somebody with "nothing to hide", who is very connected to their family and/or co-workers.
Twitter - Chatterbox! At least you know they're a great communicator who's always available. Look out for egos.
MySpace - Look for teenagers and younger. Anybody on MySpace over the age of 21 might have serious developmental issues, unless they're entertainers (singers, artists, etc.) keeping touch with their fans.
4chan - Either you're dealing with lowlifes, or the rare intellectual who finds the brainless silliness amusing. Don't bet on the latter.
Adult FriendFinder - Sexually liberated. However, also look out for people cruising for quick casual sex.
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Yahoo! Groups - Very old school. Expect someone either senior-citizen age, or tragically out of touch with the modern web.
Digg or Reddit - The hive of drones. This is a mixed bag, as these are the two most-frequented social sites, but expect someone age 18-25, very well-informed about the web, very insulated against the rest of the world.
Facebook - Again, everybody and their dog (literally) is on Facebook now, so expect people of all ages and persuasions. But also count on somebody with "nothing to hide", who is very connected to their family and/or co-workers.
Twitter - Chatterbox! At least you know they're a great communicator who's always available. Look out for egos.
MySpace - Look for teenagers and younger. Anybody on MySpace over the age of 21 might have serious developmental issues, unless they're entertainers (singers, artists, etc.) keeping touch with their fans.
4chan - Either you're dealing with lowlifes, or the rare intellectual who finds the brainless silliness amusing. Don't bet on the latter.
Adult FriendFinder - Sexually liberated. However, also look out for people cruising for quick casual sex.
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Thursday, November 3, 2011
Seven Dating Beliefs That Can Ruin Your Date
Dating, whether online or offline, is a game where the winner is always the one who keeps the most positive mental attitude. In no other aspect of life do we find so many self-defeating illusions that people have. We hear them every day, and they're often used to justify why people don't even try. Here's the most common we've heard:
#1. You have to put out.
Sure, sex is expected at some point. But when? Not everybody - and we insist that this apply to guys, too - thinks with their pants. We've seen it lately happen the other way around from the traditional stereotype, where now men complain that women pressure them for sex, almost as often as women complaining about the men. It's just as wrong from either side; many of us, even if we have a high libido, would like to at least have some standard and be sure that the person meets our criteria before just hopping into bed. But what's more disconcerting is when people just do it because they think that's expected of them.
#2. Traditional sexual roles.
This is a big one, because many women back down from flirting and initiating contact because they will be seen as too pushy. The fact is, the 21st century has seen a great equalization; it's now the accepted norm for anybody to ask anybody else out. And ladies, the younger blokes don't mind at least some encouragement.
#3. You have to agree on everything.
Try this some time: Find somebody who is as close to being your twin as possible. Spend some time with them. Yes, you agree a lot, and what happens to the dialog? It dies out. Have you tried dating an opposite? It's intriguing, it's challenging, it keeps your interest. This doesn't mean you should argue with your date about everything. But learn to respectfully disagree, and yet still love somebody who thinks differently from how you do.
#4. It's all about the looks.
The Internet has served to perpetuate this one, unfortunately. Good looks are important, sure, but they're not the be-all and end-all. The kinds of people who only take looks into consideration quickly learn that looking good and making a good living companion are two different things. Then we all founder, because our society places so much importance on how you look and very little on how to improve your mind, be polite, agreeable company, or develop strong character.
#5. Men have to be rich.
When was the last time we even saw a traditional-role family where the man is the breadwinner and the women stays home to do housework? Not very often. The norm for most couples is to have a two-career household, and even then one partner may work while the other goes to school and improves their career later. men, there's nothing wrong with being a househusband for a working woman. In fact, it can be a pretty fun life!
#6. Smart women are intimidating.
How sad that this idea even exists. It chases valuable talent away from the sciences, where women could have given us some brilliant minds which might have cured AIDS, ended world hunger, or discovered the next energy source. It also ensures that men end up with decorative fashion models with flat personalities and no mental stimulation. The great majority of men in surveys have indicated that they place importance on intelligence and personality traits, as well as looks. So go ahead, gals, show off some smarts!
#7. Geeks aren't popular.
This old hold-over idea from a century ago needs to be thrown out. Look at the Forbes' list of top 100 world billionaires, and look how many of them are CEOs of tech companies. Look at how technology is present in every aspect of our lives. The time of the 'geek' being seen as undesirable is long-gone. Both male and female geeks are seeing their stock rise.
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#1. You have to put out.
Sure, sex is expected at some point. But when? Not everybody - and we insist that this apply to guys, too - thinks with their pants. We've seen it lately happen the other way around from the traditional stereotype, where now men complain that women pressure them for sex, almost as often as women complaining about the men. It's just as wrong from either side; many of us, even if we have a high libido, would like to at least have some standard and be sure that the person meets our criteria before just hopping into bed. But what's more disconcerting is when people just do it because they think that's expected of them.
#2. Traditional sexual roles.
This is a big one, because many women back down from flirting and initiating contact because they will be seen as too pushy. The fact is, the 21st century has seen a great equalization; it's now the accepted norm for anybody to ask anybody else out. And ladies, the younger blokes don't mind at least some encouragement.
#3. You have to agree on everything.
Try this some time: Find somebody who is as close to being your twin as possible. Spend some time with them. Yes, you agree a lot, and what happens to the dialog? It dies out. Have you tried dating an opposite? It's intriguing, it's challenging, it keeps your interest. This doesn't mean you should argue with your date about everything. But learn to respectfully disagree, and yet still love somebody who thinks differently from how you do.
#4. It's all about the looks.
The Internet has served to perpetuate this one, unfortunately. Good looks are important, sure, but they're not the be-all and end-all. The kinds of people who only take looks into consideration quickly learn that looking good and making a good living companion are two different things. Then we all founder, because our society places so much importance on how you look and very little on how to improve your mind, be polite, agreeable company, or develop strong character.
#5. Men have to be rich.
When was the last time we even saw a traditional-role family where the man is the breadwinner and the women stays home to do housework? Not very often. The norm for most couples is to have a two-career household, and even then one partner may work while the other goes to school and improves their career later. men, there's nothing wrong with being a househusband for a working woman. In fact, it can be a pretty fun life!
#6. Smart women are intimidating.
How sad that this idea even exists. It chases valuable talent away from the sciences, where women could have given us some brilliant minds which might have cured AIDS, ended world hunger, or discovered the next energy source. It also ensures that men end up with decorative fashion models with flat personalities and no mental stimulation. The great majority of men in surveys have indicated that they place importance on intelligence and personality traits, as well as looks. So go ahead, gals, show off some smarts!
#7. Geeks aren't popular.
This old hold-over idea from a century ago needs to be thrown out. Look at the Forbes' list of top 100 world billionaires, and look how many of them are CEOs of tech companies. Look at how technology is present in every aspect of our lives. The time of the 'geek' being seen as undesirable is long-gone. Both male and female geeks are seeing their stock rise.
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You Will Get Her Attention...
While we like the idea expressed by Official Dating Resource's suggestion to compose a funny and cocky subject line that will stand out like a beacon in a woman's in-box, we kind of don't like the tactic presented.
That challenge mentality only works on some kinds of women. But there's lots of other tricks that you can use to break the ho-hum monotony of reading online dating replies:
The Seinfeld subject. A complete non-sequitur like "How do you get egg yolk stains out of a shag rug?" or "By any chance, do you work for a bathtub grouting company?"
The Third-Party gambit. "Could you help me figure out this other woman's profile? I think I like her but I'm not sure."
There's something on your face! Or, the online version, "You misspelled 'platonic'." "Can I help you correct the red-eye in your photo?" or "Why does your email point to 'collegecamgirls.com'?"
Start a debate. "Your profile had me right up until you advocated for global warming research." or "Why in God's name do you like Michael Crichton novels?"
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That challenge mentality only works on some kinds of women. But there's lots of other tricks that you can use to break the ho-hum monotony of reading online dating replies:
The Seinfeld subject. A complete non-sequitur like "How do you get egg yolk stains out of a shag rug?" or "By any chance, do you work for a bathtub grouting company?"
The Third-Party gambit. "Could you help me figure out this other woman's profile? I think I like her but I'm not sure."
There's something on your face! Or, the online version, "You misspelled 'platonic'." "Can I help you correct the red-eye in your photo?" or "Why does your email point to 'collegecamgirls.com'?"
Start a debate. "Your profile had me right up until you advocated for global warming research." or "Why in God's name do you like Michael Crichton novels?"
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Wednesday, November 2, 2011
How to Avoid Being "Just Friends"
There's a lot to love in this list of six signs you’ve fallen into the “friend zone”, but while we're at it, why not try to find the point where we made the mistake to end up here, and then see what we could do differently? Follow along with the list, guys:
When your date mentions that she is seeing someone else: your mistake was in not making it clear that you thought of the two of you as being "serious"! In any case, when it gets this far, move to the dump stage. Try to end it gracefully.
Your date brings up sex, when you havn't had sex yet: When this happens, you have about five seconds to wiggle out of your clothes and jump her bones. This is the very last subtle hint that she's ready for sex right now, and if you don't make it happen right now, you're dead from the waist down in her book.
She lets you see her sweaty/dirty, etc.: That's it, relationship's over. You didn't make your move soon enough.
Saying "gee, thanks": She's not impressed! She's telling you to sweep her off her feet and rock her world, and you're being her timid little polite bellhop. You've got five seconds to Hulk out, or get lost.
The "buddy" or "brother" title: Your bad. If you act like a buddy or a brother to a woman, she will think of you that way! You should have already made it clear that you're not looking for a sister.
She tells you she's not interested: Well, then, the time has come to move on. At least you didn't mess up the above five items so badly that she couldn't even tell that that's what you're looking for. Try to end it gracefully.
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When your date mentions that she is seeing someone else: your mistake was in not making it clear that you thought of the two of you as being "serious"! In any case, when it gets this far, move to the dump stage. Try to end it gracefully.
Your date brings up sex, when you havn't had sex yet: When this happens, you have about five seconds to wiggle out of your clothes and jump her bones. This is the very last subtle hint that she's ready for sex right now, and if you don't make it happen right now, you're dead from the waist down in her book.
She lets you see her sweaty/dirty, etc.: That's it, relationship's over. You didn't make your move soon enough.
Saying "gee, thanks": She's not impressed! She's telling you to sweep her off her feet and rock her world, and you're being her timid little polite bellhop. You've got five seconds to Hulk out, or get lost.
The "buddy" or "brother" title: Your bad. If you act like a buddy or a brother to a woman, she will think of you that way! You should have already made it clear that you're not looking for a sister.
She tells you she's not interested: Well, then, the time has come to move on. At least you didn't mess up the above five items so badly that she couldn't even tell that that's what you're looking for. Try to end it gracefully.
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Salesmen Not Desired in Online Dating
I was quite amused at this story about a speed-dating event in which one guy showed up and just handed out resumes. Clearly, this guy has trouble transitioning from the online world to the offline. "Well", he must have thought, "You use a profile to land a date online. You use a resume to land a job offline. Why not?"
The "Why not?" is because people don't like to be treated like that. They showed up in person to see you, not read a piece of paper you've handed them. And they probably don't want your business card, either. Furthermore, when you print up resumes for a dating event, what you're really saying is "I can't think outside the office." Which is a shame, because - singles take note - the really interesting things in a relationship happen in the bedroom.
Like I've advised in earlier blog posts, you should also leave behind the phone, laptop, and other gizmos on a date, even a speed-date. There's a difference between being being tech-savvy and tech-dependent. When you can't be pried away from your gadget, you're telling your date that they will never have your undivided attention. A woman can look like Carmen Electra, be dressed like Leelu in the Fifth Element and be doing Chinese-acrobat cartwheels on her way to engaging in some carnal act with you from the back pages of the Kama Sutra, and you'd be all "Yeah, uh-huh, very nice, hon. Oh my God! My stock went up half a point!"
Jodie BrittainPosted byJodie BrittainatWednesday, April 15, 2009
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The "Why not?" is because people don't like to be treated like that. They showed up in person to see you, not read a piece of paper you've handed them. And they probably don't want your business card, either. Furthermore, when you print up resumes for a dating event, what you're really saying is "I can't think outside the office." Which is a shame, because - singles take note - the really interesting things in a relationship happen in the bedroom.
Like I've advised in earlier blog posts, you should also leave behind the phone, laptop, and other gizmos on a date, even a speed-date. There's a difference between being being tech-savvy and tech-dependent. When you can't be pried away from your gadget, you're telling your date that they will never have your undivided attention. A woman can look like Carmen Electra, be dressed like Leelu in the Fifth Element and be doing Chinese-acrobat cartwheels on her way to engaging in some carnal act with you from the back pages of the Kama Sutra, and you'd be all "Yeah, uh-huh, very nice, hon. Oh my God! My stock went up half a point!"
Jodie BrittainPosted byJodie BrittainatWednesday, April 15, 2009
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Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Guys - Listen-up If You Want to Avoid Getting Maced
This one post deserves to be saved for future reference, a guy's guide to approaching women in a non-threatening way.
It's such great advice, it's a sure bet that women will want to bookmark it too, to send men who fail to get a clue. Of course, men who fail to get a clue also fail at reading and understanding. We won't invent a way to solve that problem for many generations, yet. Come to think of it, that's the whole problem with the clueless people in general, never mind online dating.
Anyway, as many of you guys out there can attest, it's an uncomfortable situation to happen to be the kind of guy who looks scary. Isn't it? We've observed the kind of man who can walk up to an intersection and you hear all the drivers locking their car doors.
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It's such great advice, it's a sure bet that women will want to bookmark it too, to send men who fail to get a clue. Of course, men who fail to get a clue also fail at reading and understanding. We won't invent a way to solve that problem for many generations, yet. Come to think of it, that's the whole problem with the clueless people in general, never mind online dating.
Anyway, as many of you guys out there can attest, it's an uncomfortable situation to happen to be the kind of guy who looks scary. Isn't it? We've observed the kind of man who can walk up to an intersection and you hear all the drivers locking their car doors.
View the Original article
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