Can You Believe What You Read About Alcohol In Online Dating Profiles?

Online dating profile boxes often ask the question:

How Often do you Drink?

Answers - Choose: Never, Occasionally, Regularly, Every Day, Can't do Without It

This is a challenging area in dating profiles. Alcohol leads to so many problems - physical and mental health, violence, relationship issues and so on. So, how do people answer, and what do their answers mean?

If the person's says 'never', then there could be one of several meanings relevant to that person:

- a religious issue or belief; a reforming alcoholic; a spouse, lover or very close relative has been an alcoholic; just at Christmas or really, never; a complete lie.

In other words, it could mean pretty much anything. You may well have your own views about the possible meanings. I would be especially cautious if someone claimed never to drink.

There are dating sites now which ask the question at the end of completing a profile 'How Honest have you been in your Answers? I doubt that this is really a worthwhile question, because people who are disposed to lie will do so anyway.

I did once meet someone who was on her third marriage. Her profile said 'she never drank'. We met and she declined a glass of wine. It turned out that two former husbands had died of alcoholism and the third (separated) was also an alcoholic. She herself was a reformed alcoholic and she had not had a drink for many years. That scenario was unattractive to me.

If however, you are an alcoholic, then admit it (to yourself first, that's the most important). Yes, it could be hard, even impossible to say so in your online dating profile, but you would need to get it out into the open very soon, maybe in an email. It's not fair to imprint your own challenge onto somebody else without being upfront about it. Of course, if you've answered 'yes' to that question, even if only to yourself, then you are well on the way to dealing with it.

A friend recently told me a story about a guy having a first date with a lady - she'd brought her two young children along to the beach where they met. Then the man suggested that they get the children some ice cream. He had no change so gave the lady a